No one else but these two confidants is even remotely aware that I was considering a house in France, let alone that I had already done a year of research, narrowed down the region, identified my desires, looked at more than 20 houses over two week-long scouting trips, and now have actually found the town and the house to satisfy my fantasy.
I feel relieved at this point that the process is coming to it's ultimate conclusion and I will soon own a charming pied-a-terre in a delightful town. The house is even part of a nationally-recognized historic monument and there's a lovely castle just a 5-minute walk away. The dream is really living up to itself. All is going according to plan--MY plan. But now this: how do I break the news to others, especially those who think they know me well enough not to expect bombshells like houses in France to just pop up on the radar without any warning?
In some ways I feel guilty that I have not shared my dream and my pursuit because there was so much angst and passion and other internal turmoil that could have made for an interesting narrative, and certainly good cocktail party talk. For those who dare to dream similar dreams, I could have been a sort of aging, driven, optimistic role model who would not be deterred from her goal no matter how many very wrong houses she looked at. It was France after all, the right place was bound to turn up at some point. I feel a little guilty that I did not share my quest, but, at the same time, I know that I did not want to explain and re-explain myself to those types who might not get it--there are a lot of them--and so, the people I care about, those who could have shared in this process, or become additional cheerleaders were shut out. I am sorry.
In some ways, I didn't believe in my own dream enough to make it real for everyone. Now I do.
Okay, so here it is. The dream, the pursuit, the clocktower--my new house.
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